leather studded kisses;

title: because i'm sick pretending that everything is okay;
date: Sunday, December 16, 2007
time:4:00:00 AM

I'll be away from home,
To a neighbouring place both near and far at the same time.
I'll take along the diary with me.
Tear away those written memories and drown them out at sea;
I shall speak of them no more.
My homecoming as a reincarnated new self,
firm both inside and out.
I have no more choices to choose from.
There's only one path.The only path that i will choose from.
It will be hard but i'll have no regrets.

Don't ask me why i'm doing this.
I watched everything unfold in front of my eyes;
helpless and weak.Unable to retaliate.
That must have murdered a part of me.
I'hv managed a facade but the make-up is fading off;
I'm certain it won't be long before i crumble and fall.
I need to close a chapter.
I can't go on everyday with those images playing like a movie without sound,
Haunting me like a cheetah running after its prey.
But it's okay.
I'll never put the blame on you,the surroundings nor the situation.
The responsibility will be all on me.

How stubborn was i to say i'm fine.
When i keep mourning like someone who has had a terrible loss.
Maybe because i'm the type who keeps misery to myself,
Like a sponge who keeps on absorbing water.
I'm not doing this to prove anything.
I just want to see myself smile again.
I'm hanging onto a thing called hope
because i'm positive i can still acknowledge the sun.
I'm parting with a heavy heart
but this is the only way to make things right.

I will lock the door of those tragic happenings
and throw its key down a well.
Knowing that it can still be retrieved.
Forget about hoping to change the past,
it's so out of line to go back in time.
I will go home with clean pages on the diary.
In faith of turning over a new leaf.
I'hv never had a fall this hard before
but i know i still have to carry on.
This will be great journey,
I can't wait to leave.
Everything will appear normal again
and i can't wait to see myself smile once more.

Love,
vinTage dreams

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