It has been five miserable days and my sore eyes shows no sign of progress.Still swollen and unsightly to the naked eyes.
Thanks to it i've missed 3 dikir barat training. Just how bad can it possibly get?
In addition to this, i have to give my training for the Jc1 orientation this morning and tomorrow a miss as well.
According to reliable sources, we have to memorise some dance steps to teach the prospective innovians during their orientation.Something that I'm pretty much looking forward to in 2009!
I'm still in search of peace which was distorted moments ago.
If this had to happen,why today of all the days?
Just when i felt the burning desire and impulse to do my revisions and when my head is free from unwanted sentiments, this had to occur.
Let me be honest.I'm affected.NORTH.SOUTH.EAST.WEST.In all possible angles, in all possible directions.
If u are talking about anger, i'm free from that.Anger is one of the emotions that i seldom turn to(Don't bother asking why).
I'm just hung up on the fact that i knew this was coming and that i wasn't cautious enough to prevent it from happening. At intervals like these, i wished i had listened to my instincts.
Similar to the Malay saying which goes something like "nasi sudah jadi bubur", huda possesses no magnetism to revert back time in order to prevent this catastrophe.
Not that i didn't try, but my efforts were futile.
I had to resort to pleading.Not out of love nor sympathy did you pay attention to that.
Instead, you shove me aside like a marionette who is devoid of emotions.
I'm convinced that you are aware that this was afterall a misunderstanding.I was hoping you would compromise and put a punctuation to this chaos since you are the supposedly the wiser one.
But you didn't.
Instead, you let your ego take center stage without noticing how much damage it had on all those around you.
Newsflash! I know your ego/pride was hurt but if this is how you tackle problems, do you think you can ever solve it?
Now i'm telling you, don't ever call yourself a man when you make decisions using your heart and not your brains!
You may think that i'm taking sides, but i'm far from doing that.
Just like how it takes two hands to clap, it takes two parties for this to end up in the current position.
Now, don't start pointing fingers regarding who started this first because if you had spared the tiniest thought about me, you wouldn't have carried on.
I'm flat-out disappointed that no matter how hard i try to conceal it, it's still visible.
It's like a scorpion venom directed straight at what's beating. It has set it paralysed for days and months to come.
You murdered me once and i had the strength to move on before.
Do you think i am strong enough to handle the second blow?
Apparently you didn't know the ordeal that i had to went through.
I started from scratch with nothing.Zilch.Zero.
I know we are all flawed. Just like how i countlessly hurt you without even realising it.
Is it that difficult to utter an apology?
Will it kill you to admit u're at fault as well?
I don't expect much.Just a tinge of humanity.
Now, excuse me, i think i'm running a temperature.My head is spinning and my mouth feels like cotton.
Do you even care? I know you don't.
I know i'm just blabbering to the walls but if i don't voice out my opinions, i doubt i can ever fall asleep.
Even with this entry completed, i'm still unsure if i can put my mind at ease.
It's going to be a long night, PLEASE TAKE ME TO UTOPIA angels.
Now that my reputation is tainted, how do you expect me to face the world?
Love,
vinTage dreams
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